Be still...

I know, I know... 2 posts in one day?! Yes. Indeed. Congrats if you make it to the end of this one.

Where to begin? These past few days have been a whirlwind of thoughts, emotions, and just running around like crazy. This is one of the must unknown, uncertain times in my life. Everything seems to be shaking, and I have absolutely no control. Yet, I have felt so driven and compelled into God’s presence.

The other day, I read these two quotes by Sarah Young...

“In a world of unrelenting change, I am the One who never changes, I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. Find in me the stability for which you have yearned.”

“To receive my peace, you must change your grasping, controlling stance to one of openness and trust. The only thing you can grasp without damaging your soul, is my hand.”

Although God has given me this incredible faith and security in His purposes in this, it is still hard, unexpected, and scary. I was mentally prepared to go... July 27. I was supposed to leave today. I had come to a place of closure. My emotions had all compensated for the loss and evened out to a place of stability. I was in control of my circumstances the best I could be through preparing myself. And then that all came crashing down. I realize I am no longer in control, and I also realize that I never really was. One more thing I read from Sarah Young in “Jesus Calling”...

“Relax and let Me lead you through this day. I have everything under control: My control. You tend to peer anxiously into the day that is before you, trying to figure out what to do, and when. Meanwhile, the phone or the doorbell rings, and you have to reshuffle your plans. All that planning ties you up in knots and distracts you from Me. Attentiveness to Me is not only for your quiet time, but for all your time. As you look to Me, I show you what to do now and next.

Vast quantities of time and energy are wasted in obsessive planning. When you let Me direct your steps, you are free to enjoy Me and to find what I have prepared for you this day.”

Psalm 143: 8 “Let me hear you lovingkindness in the morning; For I trust in you. Teach me in the way I should walk; For to you I lift up my soul.”

This seems to be God’s word to be: “Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10. One translation of this actually says, “cease striving.” I love that, cease striving.

Here’s something I wrote the other day:

If all my hope right now was in being in Australia or in YWAM Wollongong, I would be devastated. But God, in His grace and foreknowledge this past 6 months, brought me to a place where my hope was in Him alone. And my world doesn’t have to fall apart because HE IS HERE. He is with me. My hope is in Him, not in circumstances. Circumstances and plans change, but you God is unchanging. Life all around me is unpredictable, but His character and your His remains the same throughout the ages! I am so thankful that He has changed my heart to hope in Him alone. And the glory for that is completely His, because I did not have this perspective 6 months ago at all!

So, this brings me to yesterday. I had a choice- to cancel my plane ticket entirely and lose money (not an outrageous amount, yet, still considerable finances) or to pay to have the ticket changed for a specific date. Lots of details went into that decision, and it was not an easy one to make. I still did not know when my visa will come, and the Lord had not given me any direction as to when to re-book. So, through listening to God and confirmation through my parents, godly counsel, and His church, the word came.... “wait.” If God hadn’t led me to a date, I didn’t want to pick a time-frame based on my own best guess and estimation of the situation. I needed to cancel the flight. He has given me great peace about this decision. I am confident that He led me there and that He knows and sees from a heavenly perspective. And it’s so freeing for me not to be tied or bound to a specific date. I feel free to operate on His timing, hear from Him, and let Him direct my steps without my plans getting in the way.

For now, I am spending intentional time at home with my family. I feel like God has called me to be here and be still and wait on Him for direction from Him. I do not want to make a decision based on my own desires, what seems best to me, or my planning. Then I would just be trying to control the situation again, when God clearly has me in a season of surrendering all control to Him and walking each day in relationship with Him.

Thank you so much for your prayers and support. I truly feel so loved and like it’s not just me who is walking this journey. Thank you for being with me and near to me.