Luke 9: 23-24
And he said to all, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.”
This thing called “control” is more a part of my life than I ever realized it was. Control of my schedule, my time with God, how people perceive me, how I perceive myself, my future in ministry... so much of my life is based around me manipulating it through my own control. And what happened in Guatemala is that I was freed from that control. I didn’t have control. I was weak, tired, broken, didn’t have anything to offer, didn’t have any control over the circumstances all around me, completely helpless, yet COMPLETELY FREE. I don’t know how to explain it, except that in that freedom, something in me came alive, that I haven’t known for a long time. And it’s not a “spiritual high” as some have explained it. People explain it away and devalue it all the time with that title. No, it’s something much deeper. It’s something I saw not just in me, but in other people... the freedom from control. It’s what Jesus was talking about when he said “Whoever loses His life for my sake will find it” (Matt. 16:25).
What’s amazing though is how quickly “control” comes back when we’re surrounded with our comforts all around us and back in an environment that we can readily control. That thing we found, that priceless gift, freedom, starts to fade, until it’s gone. I can feel it fading already, and I can feel my hand gripping for control. But then God beckons me to Himself, calling me to be still and release control to Him. He puts His hand in mine, and my fingers begin to loosen their tight grip as control begins to die. I remember truth like “I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and delivered Himself up for me" (Galatians 2:19-20). Jesus died so that I don’t have to be a slave to control. Through Him , I am free. I think that’s what Jesus meant when he said we’d have to take up our cross every day to follow him. We’d have have to die every day to control and let him have all control. It’s only then that we can really be free...
