Sweetly broken

I’m lost for words, so lost in love// I am sweetly broken // Holy surrender.

-Jeremy Riddle

Philippians 3:7-9

“But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Jesus Christ my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith.”

This is quickly becoming my life verse This week it became even more alive for me. Before I left for Guatemala, I knew I would be broken, but I had no idea what that would look like.

One of my worst fears before the trip was getting sick while I was there. If you know me at all, you know I don’t typically handle being sick very well. I feel so tired and unlike myself. When I’m sick, I feel like I have nothing to bring, no words, no passion, no energy. I just feel tired and worthless.

So... I got sick my second or third day in Guatemala (just a sinus infection). God brought me to a place where I was at the end of myself and knew that I didn’t have anything of my own to bring. I could no longer trust in my words, my wisdom, my energy and passion--- everything I had boasted in. God showed me those things aren’t the things of value for the Guatemalan people anyway. They’re not hungry for that. They’re hungry for God’s love. So God brought me to a place where everything I boasted in was stripped away.

I was broken to a place where all I had was God’s love. And even in a state of being sick, God filled me up with so much love for those people and poured that love out of my like crazy. When I realized that I had nothing in myself to bring them, that is when God began to use me, to fill me up with such a love and such a heart for these people and pour that love out through me. It was in this that I was truly humbled because I wasn’t bringing anything from me. I just got to be a vessel and a messenger of His love. Beautiful.